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I have a confession to make. I don't always FEEL saved! When I consider how I don't always feel like reading the Word of God, praying, worshipping, fellowshipping, going to this or that church-related function, giving, etc... it reminds me of how we as human beings struggle with the Lordship issue in our lives. Some of us more than others, but the struggle is there for us all nonetheless. And while it may not always be connected with Lordship, but possibly other factors like being tired, bored, etc...it all calls for a crucifying of the flesh to push through whatever barrier would seek to keep us from drawing closer to God and others.
The apostle Paul said in 1 Corinthians 15:31, "And why do you think I keep risking my neck in this dangerous work? I look death in the face practically every day I live. Do you think I'd do this if I wasn't convinced of your resurrection and mine as guaranteed by the resurrected Messiah Jesus"? (The Message; emphasis mine) One translation words my highlighted portion of this verse simply as, "I die daily." While it is tempting to interpret this as Paul's way of saying that he dies to self every day (something that we as Christians should do), the context better shapes an interpretation that is explaining how Paul's work is in vain if there is no resurrection of the dead. Paul's point: why endanger your life every day over a lie? But wasn't Paul still dying to self by allowing himself to face death every day? I would say yes!
Paul was compelled by the truth he knew of God; a truth he learned as the resurrected Messiah Jesus revealed Himself to Paul on that road to Damascus. Before that, Paul felt like he was doing the right thing; zealously hunting down Christians to be punished (for God)...so he thought. In Acts chapter 22, Paul describes to the Jews the reason for the big change in his life. "'Brothers and esteemed fathers,' Paul said, 'listen to me as I offer my defense.' Then Paul said, 'I am a Jew, born in Tarsus, a city in Cilicia, and I was brought up and educated here in Jerusalem under Gamaliel. As his student, I was carefully trained in our Jewish laws and customs. I became very zealous to honor God in everything I did, just like all of you today. And I persecuted the followers of the Way, hounding some to death, arresting both men and women and throwing them into prison. The high priest and the whole council of elders can testify that this is so. For I received letters from them to our Jewish brothers in Damascus, authorizing me to bring the Christians from there to Jerusalem, in chains, to be punished. As I was on the road, approaching Damascus about noon, a very bright light from Heaven suddenly shone down around me. I fell to the ground and heard a voice saying to me, 'Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?' Who are you lord?' I asked. And the voice replied, 'I am Jesus the Nazarene, the one you are persecuting.'" (Acts 22:1, 3-8; NLT, emphasis mine)
As part of my continuing confession I have to mention that I've struggled throughout my Christian walk with the issue of my emotions. Not that I've been too emotional, but actually, the opposite. Ever since I accepted Jesus as savior and Lord of my life I've noticed that many of my decisions to do the right thing were not based on my emotions, but rather, the simple fact that it was right. I didn't get saved, for example, because I was so overwhelmed with a sense of love from God. On the other hand, I know many for whom God's love was the reason they accepted Him. Don't get me wrong, I knew God loved me... so much that He was willing to come to this world and die for me to give me the hope of eternity with Him. But what honestly drove me to my knees was the fact that I believed God's Word. I believed the truth of who He is and His claims on my life... especially the fact that if I didn't submit my life to Him, I would spend eternity in Hell. Okay, you got me! So there was an emotion involved... fear! And while I know fear should not be a sole motivator in our lives, it worked to get my attention! So, now as I have continued to grow in the grace and knowledge of my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, my walk has grown to include more than that fear of God which first got my attention.
I can't say that I've never been emotional when it comes to God; it's just not been the norm for me. This, though, to me, is different than that sense you get from God, whether it be a sense of compulsion to do a certain thing, or... conviction from God when you're doing a certain thing wrong. Believe me...I 've certainly experienced both. But there have been times, for instance, that during worship services I've been in, many people would be overwhelmed by God and it was a very visible experience. Now, I've been around long enough to know that not everyone who expresses themselves to God this way is genuine. Still, it's a very genuine way to express oneself to God. No matter how we express ourselves to God, it should be genuine. The issue, then, is not whether it's a valid form of expression; rather, it's a matter of one's heart... their motivation.
What it came down to was that I wanted to experience what I saw and heard someone else so obviously experiencing. I knew it was about being submitted to God in such a way that true intimacy could be experienced; just like the disciples in the upper room and other very obvious examples in Scripture where God visited His people in a very visible way. But I think where I was getting it wrong was in my focus. John 4:23-24 reads, "But the time is coming-it has, in fact, come-when what you're called will not matter and where you go to worship will not matter. It's who you are and the way you live that count before God. Your worship must engage your spirit in the pursuit of truth. That's the kind of people the Father is out looking for: those who are simply and honestly themselves before Him in their worship. God is sheer being itself-Spirit. Those who worship Him must do it out of their very being, their spirits, their true selves, in adoration." (The Message; emphases mine) God wants us to be intimate and emotional with Him... that much is obvious. The problem, though, was that, in my quest for an experience like that I was seeing in others, I wasn't being simply and honestly my true self. I was comparing the effectiveness of my worship to somebody else's.
I've long heard the saying, "God wants us to seek His face and not His hands." In other words, God wants us to seek Him... for Him... not for what He can do for us! Put another way... we need to seek the gift-giver, not the gift! I was recently reminded of this fact by an encounter a friend related to me he had one night before a church service. He was visiting his cousin's church and had gotten there a little early. So, with no agenda in mind he began to seek the Lord. During this time the Spirit of God overpowered him in a very visible way that carried-over into the church service. Now, what's amazing is that my friend didn't enter into this time with God for this experience. He just wanted to spend some time with God to get himself ready for the service. What is also amazing is; if you had known him before this encounter and then see him now, you would know God has undeniably moved in his life.
Up to this point He had not been very consistent with God; he had been making some unwise life decisions and it hurt to see him in this condition. He believed in God, but wasn't fully committed to Him (sounds a bit like Paul on that road to Damascus). And just like Paul, who wasn't looking for the experience he received, my friend was also knocked off of his horse (so to speak) and arose with a new vision and life direction. His whole countenance is different now. And as for those unwise life-decisions... he's now walking the complete opposite direction. All of this, due to a sovereign move of God in his life.
Now, does this mean he'll never have another problem? Unfortunately not! In fact, not long after this sovereign move of God on his life, the enemy turned right around and took a shot at him which was very obviously designed to take him back out of the game. Fortunately, though, some wise people let him know in advance this kind of tactic may come. As such, he was able to hang on to the truth of the experience he'd had no matter how the enemy was seeking to toy with his emotions.
The thing is, my friend was not in a place of deserving this move of God. And obviously, he wasn't orchestrating it through some ritual or routine. Rather, he was quite simply and honestly being his true self, and God honored that. Like the other friend of mine who, in the midst of his own need for physical healing, prayed for someone else's healing during a church service and immediately was healed himself! This, I believe, is the core issue here: namely, that of getting our eyes off of ourselves and putting them on God and others. Matthew 6:33 says, "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."
In short, we shouldn't trust our feelings and emotions because they're always changing. Rather, we should trust God because He never changes (see Hebrews 13:8).
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perry meade
